colorful musings from a colorful person

just thought everyone should know:
i got a paid stage managing internship at south coast rep theater in costa mesa.
starts sept. 19
goes until the beginning of july
4 shows
last show is their biggest show, "hamlet," with a broadway director. :)
hurray for connections!!!
super duper stoked!

MAC BOOK PRO, BABY!!!

i'm graduating in 14 days. when did i grow up so fast? i've sent out a ton of resumes and cover letters to a bunch of different theaters. i've been looking up job applications for the next three months. hopefully i'll find something. if anyone knows of anything, please, please, please let me know! shakes-to-go goes on tour a week from friday. i'm really really nervous and i don't wanna fuck up or forget something. i feel a little silly for being so nervous but i can't help it. i know it's just a phase but i feel like i'm having a really hard time connecting with people. my friends, my family, my boyfriend. i've kinda drawn in a whole lot this quarter and i want to come out and play! being around the department is frustrating. last quarter, i was so stuck in "cinderella" that i didn't go out and meet people or make friends. and this quarter....well, i'm graduating at the end, so there wasn't really much of a point. but i still kinda feel like a stranger....

i hear a familiar cough....i wonder who it could be...

i know exactly what my problem is: i just don't care. i had this stupid idea that i would have a really good senior year. that i would like my classes and that i would have a great house. that i would learn a lot. that i would come back to the department and be with my friends. no, no and no. i hate my classes. in fact, i feel cheated. two consecutive quarters with stupid visiting professors who both waste my time but i need their classes to get out of this fucking university. plus, the one class that could even possibly be useful, i can't take because i have rehearsal. strike 1. my house sucks. it's just shitty. it's as if people don't live there but ghosts of people live there. strike 2. i don't know anyone in the department. and the people that i do know, for the most part, it's casusal conversation. nothing really important. all superficial. strike 3. you don't give a shit about me and i don't give a shit about you. it sucks to say but it's true.
i just don't care. go fuck yourself.

cinderella: A+
understanding drugs: B
rhetoric theater theory: Pass

i didn't fail my classes! (which i was in fear of with this show) AND, i can graduate a quarter early!!!!

jen update:
what is jen doing now?
in theory, she's going to class and doing ssc's "cinderella" as the asm.
in reality? well, still technically going to class but i don't really care. i fee like such a bad student this quarter.
"cinderella" has kinda taken over my life. and my problem is realizing that i'm still a student and that i still have classes to pass. granted, it's two. but really, i'm treating this show more as a job instead of "another class." i feel like i'm ready to get out of this university.
i could stay and do the 5th year grad program. but really, why? i don't really want to be here now and so what makes me think i'd really want to hang around next year?
looking back on this entry, it sounds a little depressing. let's talk about the good stuff.
adam and i had our 2-year at the beginning of the month. we went camping for a weekend in big sur. so fabulous! we went to dinner at nepenthe and did the whole dinner and a sunset thing. *insert cheesy "aaww!"*
i've been extremely busy lately. i feel bad because i miss people! i miss steph. :*( the only people i seem to see are adam, melissa, reed, dori and wil (production assistants). i don't even really see ari, mike or aaron despite the fact that i live with them. start day: 9:30am. end day: 11:30pm. get up and do it all again the next day. sundays: sleep.
it's hard being in this profession and having friends who aren't. see, here's the deal: with this job, you kinda disappear for a bit and then you resurface. then you go away again and it's a pattern. people who do this understand and get it. but people who aren't....understandably so, they look at it and say "you have no time for me....yah.....i'll talk to you later." i'm sorry! :(
anyways....halloween this weekend. maybe san fran. we'll see.
off to more paperwork and coffee.

Thursday is the day. The start of my senior year. How terrifying is that? I am soon to be painfully birthed into the real world and while I don't intend to come out screaming, I plan on kicking the whole way. At least I know that I've got a few things going for me.
*I have an easy quarter coming up academically. Only 2 classes. One is a gen ed.
*I'm working on the show that I want to be on and I know that I"m going to learn so much from doing it. And, I'm really excited to be working with Melissa and Steph. We're gonna have so much fun! :)
*I live in a super-tight house with really cool guys. It doesn't seem to be a lot of drama and crap.
*Adam and I are doing really well right now. :)
I think that it's gonna be a really good year. It's just the after crap that I'm worried about. But I'm really trying not to worry about it too much to the point of driving myself absolutely crazy. Because I know that I"ll get it all taken care of and it will be fine. I'll figure something out..........
IF ANYONE HAS IDEAS, PLEASE HELP!!!!
(panic attack inserted)
Anyways, back to a lovely night of hanging out around the house. Yea, all my housemates are back!!!

i don't even want to know how long it's been since i've had a full 5-10 minutes to myself.
the show opened this past weekend. it's been going well. i'm looking forward to having some time off but i don't know what i'm going to do with myself at the same time. coming back today after 2 days off was a little hard and i could knew that i wasn't completely on top of it. but ultimately, it's been going alright. had a few hiccups with acting interns, a broken foot and recasting but it's all worked out and now, hopefully, it's going to settle down a bit and won't be quite so crazy.
i find that i'm thinking a lot about "after college" and the painful birth from the womb which will take place in less than a year. i don't want to keep thinking about this, but it's kinda looming in front of me and i can't help it.
i'm so excited about the house that i'm living in. i really like my housemates. ari, mike and aaron are awesome. ari seems pretty cool but has been out of santa cruz for a while, helping his mom in la, travelling, etc. i knew mike last year and i feel like we've become really good friends. i like living with all guys and i really like living with one other theater person as opossed to plenty of them. aaron is just walking entertainment 24/7. never a dull moment with that guy around. plus, we have a bad ass sound system and a built in bar! it's fabulous. we're looking to put in a pole but can't quite figure out how to do it safely.
in general, things are going pretty well. these next two days off are going to be really nice, i think. some time to not be at the department and thinking about the show.

it's been a really long time since i've updated this thing. it feels a little odd now that i'm back in the states and i talk to people more regularlly. but i still have to remember that there are those people that i still don't talk to all that often. things have been going pretty well. it's actually been quite a rollercoaster ride, these past 3 weeks with really high ups and really low downs.
started working for shakes. it's going pretty well. i like the people that i'm working with and i think that i'm gonna learn a lot. it's gonna be one hell of a summer. i can't wait. bring it on!
in my personal life, things have just seem to have gotten more and more confusing. this whole coming back to the states is harder than i thought it would be. i keep thinking about graduating and all that jazz. still a year away but i can't help it. i feel like whatever decisions that i'm making right now will have a huge impact on how my senior year will go.
let the good times begin.

and thus the summer of shakespeare santa cruz has started. this week is the starting week for me. the prep week. i'm still trying to feel my way around, kinda get a sense as to what's going on. it's strange to be back and be so low on the ladder after being so high up on it. i think that this will be a good summer for me. i hope that i can learn a lot. i plan on just peering over a lot of shoulders.

24 hours
stepping onto a plane
shannon - dublin
dublin - lax
weird.

Take the quiz: "How romantic are you?"

Sentimental sweet heart!
You are the type who just makes there heart melt.. GOOD JOB! You are as romantic as it gets!! Every moment with you makes ur g/f or b/f feel special

i'm trying to remember, when was the last time i really updated this thing besides two sentences worth? it's been a while.
i have about a week and a half left in ireland. then back to the states and then back to santa cruz. it'll be an adjustment. kinda like when i left and came to ireland... excpet i'm going back to something familiar, in theory, but definetely not the same.
i'm very good at all of the mundane, organizing aspects of change. packing. getting everything finalized. figuring out how to get from point a to point b. that part is easy. that part i'm good at.
although, one thing that is frustrating is trying to get in touch with people back home who don't respond (i.e. david cuthbert). i know exactly what i want to do next year but in order to at least put my name in, i have to tell him. so i sent him an email but with no response, i'm not sure if he got it... who knows.
i used to get hung up on getting in touch with people back in l.a. but i'm over it. i've come to leave a message or make contact and if i don't hear back, not my problem. i'm not going to chase people down. with the exception of ashlyn, but she's just like that. and i've been too good of friends with her for too long and i know that about her.
i've decided that i hate the way they do exams here. instead of having exams at the end of each semester, they stick them all in may. even from first semester. so, in theory, you could have exams from first semester as well as second. possibly up to 10 exams. all in may. i got lucky and only have 3 and they're all from second semester but let's get real. that's ridiculous! especially since we have the whole month of april off. yah, that's brilliant. go away for a month. come back and take finals. and no, not just for last semester but the whole damn year! and to top it off, most are worht your entire grade!!! aren't you lucky! now don't fuck it!
frankly, i don't care. i've very apathetic at this point.
so instead, i'm playing with all of the new music i just acquired. :)

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to good manners and elegance.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.

my new experiment:
if you don't email someone for days at a time, how long will it take for them to finally write you?
how many days?

does anyone know what shows are going on next year (or if they're even decided on)?
who is interested in chataquah?

should i really be getting this again after i got it last year?

i can see it.

Your Birthdate: April 11

Your birth on the 11th day of the month makes you something of a dreamer and an idealist. You work well with people because you know how to use persuasion rather than force. There is a strong spiritual side to your nature, and you may have intuitive qualities inherent in your make up, too. You are very aware and sensitive, though often temperamental. Although you have a good mind and you are very analytical, you may not be comfortable in the business world. You are definitely creative and this influence tends to make you more of a dreamer than a doer.

in other news: i'm back in cork. i have three finals left. i'll be back in la soon and then back in santa cruz to work for the summer. i can't believe that it's almost over. i feel like i'm going to go back to the states and it's all going to feel like a dream, like it didn't really happen. i find myself feeling that i want to stay... but not in ireland. italy has stolen my heart.

Your Irish Name Is...

Fidelma Joyce

You Are 45% Normal (Somewhat Normal)

While some of your behavior is quite normal... Other things you do are downright strange You've got a little of your freak going on But you mostly keep your weirdness to yourself

i finally made it back to ireland late last night! places i've been in the last month:
amsterdam
nice
milan
florence
venice
paris
athens
mykonos
paros
santorini
syracuse
i had such an amazing and fabulous month! i wanted to keep going. actually, what i really want is to go back to italy. that country has my heart. i only have a little time left here before i come back to the states, only a little time before i go back to santa cruz, only a little time before i start ssc. only a little time. so bizarre. after being gone for so long... and being back again...